Staying Awake
The last couple of years, in the season before Easter that liturgical calendars call Lent, I have tried to restart a habit of pausing in my day to spend time with God. This year, like every other year I remember, I have only partially been successful: I fell behind in my devotional reading for two whole weeks, I forgot or ignored some of my other commitments, and I was tempted to give up because I had “already missed so many checkboxes”.
But the Holy Spirit living inside me reminded me quickly, “What’s the point of all this? Is it to check a box, and have a neatly filled-out list by Easter? Is it an accomplishment? Or is it a relationship?”
Who but the devil himself would try to convince me that failing at my commitments was reason enough to drop them, that it was all about checking boxes instead of a relationship with my Creator?
“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.” – 1 Peter 5:8-9
The enemy will try to use whatever tools he can to weasel his way into our thinking and hinder our relationship with Jesus. I almost let him in that moment. I had dropped my guard, thinking I could follow through with my routines and not consider the spiritual war that is ever-present.
In my aforementioned Lenten devotional, yesterday’s reading was based on Luke 22:46, “and he said to them, ‘Why are you sleeping? Rise and pray that you may not enter into temptation.” The devotional went on to talk about the awareness Jesus had in that moment in the Garden of Gethsemane, both of the situation he was in and how he felt about it. Jesus told his disciples to stay aware of the moment with him, but in the exhaustion of fear and grief, sleep took them over.
They missed out on the spiritual war that was happening at that moment. How often do I see the mundane, “regular” things in my life as disconnected from what God’s doing? Or, maybe even more dangerous at times, disconnected from what the enemy wants to thwart?
Habits of spending time with God may seem simple. But we cannot let ourselves think for a moment that they are trivial. The battle isn’t won with one long prayer session once a month- it’s in our daily habits.
There is an impact in taking even as little as one minute to pause and surrender to God. When I build a regular habit of pausing with Jesus, the enemy has a considerably slimmer chance of distracting me.
Our habits shape us- and they reveal what is important to us. When I make excuses about setting aside time to spend with my Savior (“I don’t have time”- “I’m too tired”- “but I need to do x/y/z”- “Is it even worth it?”), the priorities of my heart are laid out plain as day.
Ouch. This hurts for me- I know my habits right now as I type this reveal a selfish, self-focused heart that likes using her time for her own purposes, and really doesn’t like to slow down and pause.
But you know what? I do things all the time that I don’t like. The hard part- the important part- of building a habit is doing it when you really, really don’t like doing it. That’s the breaking point moment, the character-building and habit-forging moment that carries you through later.
It was not easy for the disciples to stay awake with Jesus. They were physically exhausted form the events of the day, maybe even hungry. They were emotionally drained from the turmoil, fear and grief of knowing they would soon lose their beloved teacher, mentor, friend, and savior. I can only try to imagine the heaviness of the spiritual weight they felt.
Yet, Jesus called them to stay awake and pray with Him- to work hard to fight their flesh. They failed, giving into the desire for rest, but Jesus didn’t give up on them even though they abandoned him.
The moment we are in may contain much pressure and pain and heartache as well, but Jesus calls us the same as he did his disciples: “watch, and be with me.”
Friends, it is with great effort that we push away the distractions and lies of the adversary and choose to build habits with Jesus. This is how we grow in our relationship with our Savior. No matter how many times we “fail” at our habit, the time to try again is right now. Jesus can’t wait to spend time with us!
“One thing I have asked of the LORD, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple.” – Psalm 27:4