Driven to Intimacy
Growing up, I used to love to sit and listen to the adults talk with one another when my parents would visit with their friends and siblings. They would discuss the latest from the Christian Reformed Church synod, the world’s problems, and issues at work, and, as they got older, they would discuss health issues. I remember them talking about having trouble sleeping for various reasons and at the time I thought that was a bit odd—kids don’t usually have trouble sleeping. Now that I am older, it’s my turn to have times when getting enough sleep is challenging. For me, it’s a health issue, plus sometimes the news of our world that keeps me awake at night. Like anyone, I really hate laying awake at night, so in desperation, I have gone to the Lord for His help. He reminded me of 2 Peter 1:1-4 “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence, by which He has granted to us His precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.” to show me that stewing over not being able to sleep was not doing me any good at all. If God has given me all things pertaining to life and godliness through the knowledge of Him, why am I not going to the source—to Scripture?
During the subsequent nights, I started to go one by one through the Psalms I had memorized in grade school. I’ve never been very good at memorizing, so I set out to do the hard work and get them in my memory once again if possible; so far, I’ve done two and I can see this will take me a while. Currently, I’m working on Psalm 91. I’ve been pleasantly surprised as I’ve been going over and over the words, that the Lord has been working their meaning deeper into my mind and spirit. A theme I’d missed all this time has emerged. Verse one reads: “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.” Verse nine: “Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—the Most High, who is my refuge—no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.” Verses 14-15 likewise read: “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him, I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him.”
God is showing us His heart, that He longs for intimacy with us. The examples stated above illustrate that when we reciprocate His love back to Him by drawing closer to Him, and by choosing His instruction over our desires, we are actively putting ourselves under His protection, care, empowerment, and love. Reciprocate is an important word here because scripture tells us that we love Him because He first loved us. We already have this love, care, protection, etc., but when we respond by placing our trust in and dependence upon Him, it opens up the possibility of deeper intimacy. God created love to require an instigator and recipient. This is evident in the God-head as each member loves and is in submission to one another, and because He has set His love on us, it remains unanswered until we respond to it. When we stay in that place of shelter, we then abide in it.
I think this is what Jesus talked about when He said “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5) The fruit Jesus is referring to is the fruit of the Spirit. The more I turn to God for His mind in each situation I face, the more I am choosing to be placed under His sovereign loving will which then empowers me to produce the Fruit of the Spirit.
God never promises we won’t have hard things in our lives, but He promises to provide ALL that is needed, and then some, as we go through them. He sometimes uses the hard stuff to drive us to that place of intimacy with Him because He knows the hubris of our human nature, that we want to be self-sufficient. But He created us for intimacy with Him and He knows we need it. I am still experiencing interrupted sleep, but I’m finding a place of peace (fruit) in the middle of it, plus more richness in my life than I would have had with full nights of sleep. I am grateful.